Prosaic as i am,Tatty as i dealt,Indignation as i felt, and this is how i yelled...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

just droppin by to say " H E L L O "

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Sky is High
The Clouds are White
My Heart is Dead
& Finally it's Quiet

Monday, November 12, 2007

Haa, he read my blog. okae think i'm gonna move to another blog.
it's not that i do not wan u to noe anything abt me, it's becos i hav to consider my bf's feelings too.( who the hell do u think i'm making u jealous)
i'm tryin to voice out.
did i ask u to ans me ?
Btw, i'm clarifying Knnz, i'm me jus in a lost. dun take pity on me.
i'm merely curios kenn accuse .wth ? to hell with it.

i relly dunno wth we are. anyway to hell with it.
i din cried. cos it's over. i never ever wan to do this again.
it simply sucks.

u're not being nice & polite.
not even with the frdster reply.

u're always not nice.

anyway, glad it's all over.

i wun blog anymore.
never.

eve outy-

i wanna love Mr Soon! i wanna forget u!...
i loathe the me now..
argh...

i wanna forget u ! i wan to forget u !

I WILL !

Ya he agrees that i'm too ugly for him to even wanna tke pics with.
haa haa and he agreed, he dun loves me. haa haa..
after 6 yrs, than i know.
thanks..

it's really like the COCO Lee's song Wang ri Qin.

anyway to hell with it.
it's tormenting..

lol, dunno what the hell will he wrote that for me ?
anyway, i cldnt care less. it just makes me feel sheater...

i just wanna cry now.

i dun wanna blog anymore.

out @!

Just what on earth is love all about?

IT can bring a lot of happiness but it also comes in a package with sorrows and pains.
IT sends u high up to cloud number nine, it’ll also brings u down to Hell at level ninety-nine.

By right, it should taste Sweet most of the time…
However, the fact is u have a little of sweetness, a little more of sour taste and the rest will be bitter…

Gradually as time pass, it turns bland, you’ll still taste it every now and than but u no longer feels the sweetness, the sour nor the bitter taste…

If only we could taste Love like the Pros tasting chocolates. How nice would it be??
We’ll just keep on craving for it, and not loathe it…
Even the dark chocolate will taste sweet, if taste in the right way. .

Anyway, that’s facts of love. . And of course it’s from my point of view. .

The sky seems cloudy now, just came back from lunch. . Mood: sleepy. *Yawns*

I did not sleep well last night. I was like floating for 2 hrs.. Than woke up at 12 plus to go to the loo. . Well, I felt a little better =) however, the mind is still full of sheats and finally able to sleep at around 1 plus 2… Wth?! @

He changed his shoutout again, din catch much. . Hmm, wonder how is he doing? He seems to be doing very well. Last few months, or beginning of the break-up he was drinking and drinking. He drowns himself with beers to sleep. In his O’ blog he wrote that he’ll dream of a hairy hair rescuing him out of his sorrows. Which was me (I’m hairy). But I think now, I’ll no longer appears in his dream nor in his mind. If that’s the case, it should be the right way (ya, eve is trying to be wei da again) his life seems enriching. Really am happy for him, I’ve never seen him smile like this before. Seriously, deep in me, I felt elated. Glad that he’s doing well and smiling so sweetly. Happy that he’s searching for his lost soul. I’m joyful that he’s picking himself up and finding a new love. But somewhere in my heart, I feel sad. Upset that in the past I cant’ make him whole. No matter how much I gave nor how much I love him, it does never reciprocate. These few months proved that I’ve done the right thing by letting him go, he’s better off without me.
I do not know if he loves me, all I know is that sometimes loving a person is not all about owning and keeping them by your side. Well, it’s about letting the love one be happy. I have no idea when will my love for this guy will ever cease. All that I’m clear of is he’s good and well now. That’s all I asked.
Well, the fact is I can’t provide him with what he needs. What I can offer is not what he wants. . . But so long as he’s happy now, I know that I won’t look back. I’ll move on ahead and try to mould my life from here.

Life is short which everyone says. Lol, but for me, I feel that life is a long journey and is full of pricks. But without the irritating ordeals, one would never learn & grow. It’s there to mould us all. It’ll make us stronger and gets to understand things better. Those who had gone through more ordeals are people who are strong and independent. They have a mindset of their own, when crisis arrives, they’ll know how to handle it more effectively.
Well, so as I’ve said before, I thank all those people who had appear in my life journey, which is a long and painful wan (hee hee). They made the present me. I must learnt o be grateful and stop carrying so much worries and starts to be satisfied with all that I’ve got.
I feel that I’m too greedy, always asking for more (PEPSI ad). Haa haa.. Life is not easy, but we have a choice to not to let it be miserable instead, be open and positive. So that time would pass faster and with laughters.

DD is a nice guy, I’m lucky to have him. I have not start giving him my all. Well, it justs takes more time.
Let’s be patient and well, perhaps there are more to come? I dunno.

O ya, recently, I’ve felt that I’m a little sian of taking of little sis.
Dunno la, it’s mainly because I won’t have my life.
C’mon I’m only 24, I’ve wasted 6 yrs doing basically nothing, I don’t to waste the rest of my life away. However, on the other hand, I was the wan who took up the responsibility of wanting to care for this girl. I pity her. She lost dad at a young age of 3. Mum doesn’t really cares.
O wth?! I better stop whining, cos it’s never ending..
I hate that WEAK me..

Sometime, I just wish that I’ve redeem myself, although I can’t bear to leave with no accomplishment at all.
Sians.
Life seems so meaningless.

Okae, so for now, eve has a doting & caring Bf, a understand & sensible sister, a playful & attitude brother, a ignorant & cutsey little sister plus a not so responsible mum.
To sum it all, it’s consider not bad le. Do not understand why is she still complained and dwelling? Lol.. O Whatever ~

Works sucks, I’m typing this entry during office hours. Basically, there’s no work. So sians, sent out 2 resumes, 1 of it just yesterday evening. . dunno will I be able to get shortlisted for an interview. Sigh I wanna get out of this sheaty workplace. Low pay and no future man… Eve shouts: “I need a new life!”

Eve prays/ “ Dear God, please gimmi advice on my career. I’m lost. O no, god pls gimmi wisdom and enlighten me instead. I wanna have a clear head to think well and hopefully the luck will shines on me.”

I was wondering how to be simple and nice? I always that I’m not that complicated and I’m quite nice. Lol, but reality isn’t so. Recollecting those days with Eric, I’m thinking how lousy a gf or a person I am. He always claimed that I’m lousy. I really want to know how sheaty I am as a gf.. Perhaps by knowing, I’ll come to terms of it and learn to be a better girl. But seriously I know I have a real bad temper, but I feel I can be quite a nice gf. Dunno I dunno it’s driving me crazy. I wanan find out so badly how can he lives with me for the past 6 yrs even though he doesn’t likes me? That’s a horrible truth. . I felt chill down my spine. How can I trust anyone? How do I trust them? The man who slept beside me for years actually holds no feelings for me. Sheat, I’m thinking of the sad memories, damn I feel like crying. I wan to ask why he does not wan to take pictures with me? ( but now kept taking with that cutsey bugs teeth girl) Am I that ugly? Why wouldn’t he hold my hands? (he has not hold my hands for a few years) why why why why why ? why he hates me so but still stays with me? Why why ? am I that useless and horrible? Arghh…
It simply makes me feels used. He always said that he’s patching up with me cos its more convenient for him to meet Nig, he gets to have his own space, he gets to enjoy the aircon.. Argh argh.. what what what ? for 6 yrs, my feelings being toyed ma? What ? I felt so sheaty. I gave my all.do u noe that. I love him u noe? And what do I get ?

Whatever..

It’s pointless. Maybe, I jus got too agitated and think waywardly again. Haa haa haa haa..

Whatever..

歌曲：可惜不是你
歌手：梁静茹专辑：丝路通往爱的路途
这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见
可惜不是你陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见
可惜不是你陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
可惜不是你陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

Eve outy- 1505 hrs, 12/11/07

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Mood : Sad

Dunno why, today my mood is so off le.. hai sians..
Anyway, today was a nua day.. nua at home the whole day.
haa haa.. was sick man.. dunno why nowadays kept falling sick..
feelin so sian man, got flu, itchy cough and feeling dizzy here and there..
went doc got low blood pressure.. wTH!? the last time(Last mth) also low blood pressure.. last month was down with fever too..
haa haa...
sick sick sick...
i bet it must be coming all at a time.. haven been fallin sick for the past few yrs le ... lala lala...

so bored so bored..just now, quarrelled with DD..we yelled, we shouted, we cried, we hugged and we kiss for peace..
haa haa.crap..
but he's so sweet he never leaves me alone... hopefully he'll never..
when the whole sheer torture ended, he piggyback me to the loo.. cos i was having urgent call, and he whispered : "i'll piggy-back u for the rest of my life" well,well, weak me, i was touched. a few minutes ago we were arguing, he said he just wanted to have a simple relationship, i claimed that he got the wrong person, i dun belong to the category of simplicity. i'm not a simple girl and i do not own a simple life. he was real upset cos i said that he got the wrong person. ya of course this is not the first time i ask him to "go away", "go find another girl", "i'm not suitable for u" and "leave me alone, i rather be alone". . whenever i said those stuffs, he'll get extremely heart-broken. he felt that just at the moment he felt that everything is going so smoothly, but reality doesnt seems so.he felt that i dun treasue him.. at the sheer moment when i said those words.

Hmmm, i noe i love this boy. but lol, i dunno i shld feel happy. but seriously, i dun le.
dunno why, i tot by changing a bf, my life will be GAY.. haa haa.. okae, i must admit i'm happier than before.. but i'll still feel sad le.. and of course la, in life there'll be ups and down. what i meant is that i dun really feel that happy. just now he asked, issit becos whatever he done is not done by The most loved person of mine that's why i'm still unhappy... i was dumbfounded. hai, to assure him,i told him no. than i asked him does he still remember that day when i said that i was not his most loved person.. he shouted back, " it's been only how long since we're together, how to i gauge on that ?" *hearts breaks* ya i know, i can't weigh on that, i can't even claim that his the person i love most.. how can he..

sigh, than i asked, "do u still remember that u've asked me before that if i love him as a frd instead of a bf?" haa haa.. those words hit me hard...
i was dumbfounded again when he asked the other time.

sigh, i dunno la.perhaps i'm just tired, right after getting out a long relationship there i put my foot on a new wan.. no breaks in between... sigh, anyway, DD claimed, if that's not the case, i wld still be with eric and not him..
well, i guessed it's true..

anyway, life is a chore..
sians..

well, as for eric, he uploaded a new pic with his cutsey bugs teeth girl .. gd for him another step up ahead for him ... hmm, din felt much jealousy, but just feel that this girl is not that simple.. woo all the best ba.. he seems to be very keen, kept taking pics with her..
plus saw abit of his shoutout. dunno who is he implyin it too..
dun really dare to view his profile, i fear that i'll get emotional again...
hai sians la...

life simply sucks...

when will i be able to be happy again ?

eve outy-

Friday, November 09, 2007

Tots & more Tots. .

Hmm, it’s been over more than 4 mths since I’ve last updated here. .

I’ve promised DD not to update here. As he felt that E would read my blog and that we’ll communicate through here. .

Well, from my point of view, I dun really think that E will read my blog anymore.

Cos he hates me to the core. Anyway, I’m just voicing out my point of views here…

Recently, I’ve been trying hard to search my lost-self back. . haaa . . Dumped more than half of my closet clothes away. . Not jus that, bought new lingerie & clothes…

I simply can’t bring myself to look at all those stuffs. .

I wonder why would wearing a little more revealing makes 1 looks cheap. . Like a slut. .

However, I would rather hear that I’m fat and I dun look nice in it. .

It sounds more reliving. . I loathe being in someone clutches again. . DD is encouraging, I kept wearing skirt nowadays, hee hee, I noe that my tighs are fleshy but I like to wear skirt de. . tsk tsk tsk. Haa haa DD is not that domineering. . I’ll cross my fingers and hope he’ll never become one.

My sister said that I’m trying way too hard to return to my Old-self. . I know that I should not push myself too hard. . But I’m just too eager to do that. . haa haa. .Dunno why, but I kept having this feeling that that everyone ard me are so successful, they own this & that, their life is splendid. . Somehow, they are doing well except for me. . I felt sheaty again. . I wanna accomplish so much. . so many goals and dreams I have. . They simply got lost in time & money is another problem. . It’s seems so far away. . when will I ever make it ? But now & then I’ll always remind myself: when there’s a will, there’s always a way . . haa haa . . Have Faith & Hope. . . those are the stuffs that will get us going =)

So past few mths was great, picking up on Mahjong. . hee hee.. that is the only communication tools in our family now.. Usually it’ll be DD, my sis, my bro & me . . but but but, now my Mum also joins in the FUN !!! haa haa.. the only time in my life we’ll chat and not shout at each other.. it’s a nice feeling..

Haa haa.. it’s Fabulous to see that my bf actually gets along well with my family. . I’m so so happy. . . o ya, talking abt mahjong session, recalled that 1 day while they are playing, I was online. I happened to came across E’s pic.. His main pic was taken with another girl. . Quite young looking, tanned and with Bugs teeth.. cute & young lo.. she looks bubbly too, well, somehow reminds me of Nig’s Gf:Hazel. It got me in real bad mood, I dunno how it actually felt. ... but luckily, I woke up, I noe he’s no longer mine. I shld let go. I will let go cos I was the wan who let him go.

I Guess this girl is his target now.. Hmm, she seems quite playful le. Not very matured. . Hmm, if my memory never fails me, I once saw his pic with his colleague and a girl: Galina. . I felt that Galina suits him more.. simple and matured plus quite pretty . . aiyoyo, he always seems to be more interested in playful girls.. hee hee.. or maybe it’s becos she looks abit like Hazel ? dunno, he did mentioned Hazel is a nice girl, matured and pretty too.. I dunno him.. jus wish him all the best lo.. it’s been almost 6 mths since we’ve broke up. . I know that the pain wun heal that fast. .or perhaps never. . but still the same old words: only time will heal it all. I too must confessed that I still miss and think of him. . Basically he was once my Love one. . in addition, we’ve been together for 6 yrs. . that makes him real hard to forget. . but so far, I’m doing well, think the last time I’ve called him is ard July. . eve shouts: “Way to go girl !” haa haa. . . Nowadays, when I think of him, it’ll reminds me of all the sweet things, instead of the awfuls stuffs which I hate. I felt that I was so bad last time, I’ve said plenty of hurtful stuffs which I never meant to cause him pain. I wonder if he scarred.. most likely is yes. Cos I can be real evil.. haa haa… I’ll never Deny. . haa haa . . I felt sorry le. I really feel very bad le.. I should not be that evil le. . sigh. . it’s really bad of me. . Sorry Man. .

“”snaps”” there’s no point thinking and wonder too there’s nothing I can do. .

Woo hoo… haa haa. . must keep thinking that I’m in a bliss now haa haa.. DD is all that I’ve ever wanted.. he’s always there for me.. I’m his first priority. He taking so gd care of me even my workshop cleaner kept praising him non-stop.. haa haa.. so funny. . I just hope that things will always stay this way. . recently, I got us both a Adidas jacket.. haa haa.. not exactly the same but both with gold Adidas Logo. He’s jacket is in black and white, mine is black.. haa haa. I’m planning to get us both a Polo Raulph Polo Tee.. hee hee. . than maybe a couple watch and wallet.. slowly slowly..

Got so many things I wanna buy, I’ve just bought PSP slim with DD.. hee hee.. next up is a IPOD haa haa.. and after that a Laptop.. hee hee .. so many stuffs I wanna buy, but no $$ anymore.. sigh…

I enjoy my life now, just that sometimes my mood will get low whenever I think of E. sigh, wonder how can a person being with another for so long ( Its 6 YEARS not 7) but he doesn’t really loves her…

That Questions killed me a lot of times. . . I’m puzzled, there’s so many things I wanna ask him. . he’s always leaving me with plenty of Questions marks . . I felt so lost.. sigh, but that day, saw a drama serial, that monk was saying,: if we have no ans to it, why shld we keep eluding ourself. . for anything, all we need to do is give our best. . the rest just leave it to heaven. . there’s always a plan for each and everyone.

It enlightened me. .haa haa..

Okae I gotta go prepare to go home. Wrote this during office hours le..

Haa haa..

Ciao. Update more another day..

-Eve outy- 071107 1705Hrs

Monday, July 30, 2007

Sorry????

Saw his comments on his profile. he said "sorry". was it for me ? or was it not ? was it for some new girl he met?

i've read it seven times. . i think its for me. its just my guts feeling. he wrote:

"i hurt some 1 wifout realizing....
i didnt meant to..
im sorry to have u led on n cause more misunderstanding..
Ur pretty, capable n have a nice figure...
U wun have a lack of suitors...
however,we r just not each other's type
i hope u led a better life from now..
I know no amount of apologize could b made but i still wan to say...
Sorry.
Im just hurting every 1 ard me....so its prob best not to approach me.
I rather b alone..
Theres no 1 i wan to meet.."

Hmm, after reading it 1 last time, haa i think its meant for some new girl he met ba.
he'll nvr apologize TO me, nor will he say i'm Pretty,Capable nor have a nice figure.. haa haa. so i gues i must still be dreaming. .

anyway, was woken up by a dream. i dreamt that we had a gathering at Nig's place. suddenly out of nowhere, nig asked do i wanna noe how E's been doin ? i din ans. he drag me to his kitchen and told me that E spend the night with this girl "Estatic" whow the name is power. i dunno. the next moment i was awake. lol. what a dream.?
jus the night before, DD dreamt of E too. but it was smth that pissed him off, it was me meetin E. . no wonder when i turned to hug him, he pushed me away. so i was pissed! that i turned my back to him. well, forgave him upon hearing that he had this nighmare.. sheaty. .

anyway, over the weekend spent at Batam was fabulous. thou there'e nth much to do. cos we're away from the city. . basically all activities can only be done in the hotel. the food there is sheaty and costy.
sucks. the hotel's food still not so bad .. i love SG more.. haa haa..

well, enjoyed myself greatly.spent quality tme together. . no need to think of my xiao mei, my family.. jus the two of us. it made me so gay. . we walked the beach. . eat plenty of donuts. .its delicious ! had awful chicken rice. . bought cans of beer but only manage to drink 2 and a half cans in 2 days.
haa haa.. after drinkin i jus wanna Zzzz .. .. lol. . .i was given a surprise. . at first i intend to blindfold DD for fun, but who knows inthe end i was blindfolded and "Ta Da", without the aid of sight, i used my ears. . i head DD busy rummaging over plastic bags. . Hmm.. "what's he up to ? what is it??" and not long after i was removed from the darkness.. .. Hee.. DD bought me a necklace. he actually wanna get me the one i saw at DIVA . . the Butterfly de. . but it was out of stock. well, he still got the necklace from DIVA . .2 beautiful flying buterflies instead!! i din expect thaqt from him, he already bought me an Esprit Bracelet for my birthday le. . thou i found out a mth ago so he gave it to me instead. but now.. haa haa.. a beautiful surprise !! i simply lurve surprises. . . he took a lot of pain to get me that. . as we spend most of our time together . . so he sneaked to buy while i was in the toliet Poot Pootin.. haa haa.. so cute of him.. hee hee.. i felt so lucky to have him . . he's so sweet. . someone that i always wanted. however, i guess that it all just takes time. i will use my lifetime to love this guy . . his silly bf of mine kept telling me he'll make me the happiest girl with his might .. plus he'll use his lifetime to 'teng' me and love me.. he'll prove it to me and most importantly Time Will Tell. . he dun give much promises.but i can feel it.. he's genuine and sincere. . a guy that really takes good care of his gf . . he'll gives it all . . we'll compromise and he dun take revenges. . he talks to me. i'll listen. his patience is incredible.
but i wun take it for granted.

i noe i'm still missin E. . dunno why, is it because a nastier person makes them more unforgettable. ?

but i noe, DD is all that i've always wanted. i shldnt ask for more.. so pls stay agile... its not worth takin any risk and ruin it all again...

i've once said,`"When smiles faded, nth can ever bring it back.its like hittin the head against the wall, but u'll still feel ur heart aching."
lol, DD brought my smiles back and gave me confidence. . thanks DD ..big hug!!

i gotta go prepare for work . .
ciao!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

as green and as queer

just saw his profile, a girl left him comments. . lol, have no idea why i felt a tinge of "jelousy" lol, but i noe his no longer mine. i was the one who broke our ties. i kept reminding myself, i'm with DD . . i chose this path, i cant owned 2 person in my heart. . .

the girl worte that she'll teng him always and support him for all he'll be doing.
lol,that's what DD will always tells me too.
I guess its time for him to have a nice girl to teng him. it's not that i'm trying to b wei da. but isnt that how things shld go? after we've parted, we shld move on and lead the life we've always wanted?

i so missed those times when we're beginning to fall in love. . so young,so sweet and so unforgetable. but we had more tears than laughters together. . i noe he did showed improvements in the beginning of this year. but i'm already so fatigued. anyway, he found a soul mate, he mentioned that that girl and him had shared so much in common, and they are so able to get along. good for him! =) Somehow it brought me back to the many times when we miscommunicated. lol. . 1 thing wld become 2 totally different things. . lol . . perhaps its the height differences that cause so much hassles.. .. but i wld say actually he's a very sweet guy, nonetheless, it's a pity it din worked out. i loved him so much back than, well, he started liking me only after army . . well well well . . why fate played sucha fool on us? lol

6 yrs 6 yrs. . i owaes tot that daddy wld bless me frm above. . he wld gives me "the right man" i owaes believed that he and me will end with " happily ever after". but i've ruined it all . . i was so harsh i din even give him a chance to admend and the last try. . i really hope that it'll all be worthwhile

anyway, i think i got too green, eve shouts: "COMES BACK! Pls COMES BACK! Wake up , u gotta wake up !! WAKES UP !!!!"

lol, sigh, now i finally understood what he meant that after a couple broke up, it's impossible to stay as friends. . i always thought that it doesnt really matters but haa haa i finally got the picture.=) he once explained " how to be friends, i'll feel uneasy upon seeing u and ur new bf, and u'll also get uncomfortable with my new gf. " -.-"' phew, i finally got enlightened.

anyway,i'm in a bliss now. thou when DD is not by my side, my mind will starts wandering waywardly. . it's absurd . . i noe . .but i can't help nor can i control. . in the beginning i'll miss him like crazy, every 2 weeks, i'll find excuses to call him . . but in my heart, i was affirmative with my choice. than now, i'm still working on this habit working to kick it. . . . its so hard so so hard. but i guess, what he's going through is definately zillion times worst. he must be feelin so betrayed. .but i really have no choice. i cant allow this to carry on. i have no courage to face it,untill i met DD. Thanks so much DD =)

anyway, i'm blabbering rubbishes.. cos it 2 AM now,and i'm so so tired . .

haa haa..

i'm in my rainbow world now,its no longer black white . .

tke cre my lost love.

miss u my DD . .

evey is sleepy . .
-outy-

Saturday, July 21, 2007

最熟悉的陌生人现在大家都在走着我们的陌路
永远祝你辛福希望现在的你会一只那样的笑
我从来都没有看过你这样笑过
或许是当你和我在一起时, 早已遗忘了怎么笑
因为我清楚我不是那对的人.. ..

祝福你 : "You lost me but u gained alot in other aspect" - am glad to hear that, it reall goes to show i meant little to u.
" 你又不是很好看也不是很好.. .." - i noe i'm like sheat in ur eyes, owaes have been like that. i do noe clearly that imma lousy gf too. . not a nice one. anyway, it's the past. . hope u'll find the right girl soon. she'll mend ur heart. cos i'm not up to it. . .
"你不觉得我对你特别好当我做错事后吗？．．" - i'll always remember that, i've always trusted u too. never knew u'll do it behind my back again & again. meeting ur ex was the worst among all other meetings for me cos u stayed overnight.i can't believe that u did that. . what hurt me most was when u feed me the truth years later. again ang again. once in poly with that girl, u also confess to me years later, than the otehr time was ur ex. . my trust . . gone. anyway, it was a well lesson learnt. but that was really hurtful. . to be in the dark for yrs than u still can tell me how well u treated me after u've realised what u've done and felt guilty. . =)

anyway,its pointless to say all these now. its all over. i'm so glad that it all happened. cos everyone learns from their mistakes, if nothing of this sort has happen, i'll still be ignorant and i will never know.

well, i've never regretted being together onve with you, thou i hate several stuffs that u did to me. .

you brought me mixed feelings.

we got good times,bad times . . but it was all worth while

Nonetheless, i knew that i really Loved u very much at that time．
you were my everything.
what i've wrote on the poem its all how i felt.
u were my loved one. .

but now i've moved on. .
this new guy is my Love now.

i'm trying hard each day to love him more and more.which is doin well so far. .
i'm crazy i noe, but i just hope to live with no regrets from now. .
he changed me . . he love me. . he cares. . and i just hope it'll last. .
he did alot for me, thou i may wonders at times when will he change his point of view. . will he be like u ? what will it be like if i'm still single and not attached? what will it be like if i've never met him? blah blah blah. .

also, i've finally know why would dear dear wanna be in a relationship with me so Fast? - cos, he felt that if he dun own me at that time, i'll get back to u . . seriously, i felt so too. lol, we broke up like a million times, but owaes get back together in a week time. . nothin more . . but now i'm away from u for like 2 months?
thou i'll still think of u . . but i noe that i have to kick that habit. . and i believe i will make it. .

thanks for all . . . 最熟悉的陌生人. . .
just hope that from now on, ur life will no longer be colourless but filled with smiles, laughters and countless rainbows.
its what u deserve. . finally, best wishes and all the best. . .

歌曲：陌路
歌手：张栋梁专辑：王子

我们都知道感情是盲目
我们都知道永远是虚无
再一步就看见爱迷路
每一次拥抱就换来糊涂
我们都知道拥抱已麻木
我们都知道相爱不能继续宽恕
再服输就让爱情变成荒芜
才发现我们只缺了个地图
也许爱不该让步其实应该很清楚
我们的爱已经走到陌路
就让我们的爱情走到此结束
在一起没有幸福就很迷糊
来时不由自主
如果相信爱是感动的最远处
那时幸福就会满足让爱更清楚
我们都知道相爱不能继续算数
再服输就让爱情变成了荒芜
才发现我们只缺了个地图
就让我们的爱情走到了陌路
我知道你知道不会再不认输
就让我们完成这完美的演出
wu～oh～
那一刻当你说要离开的时候
其实我想要再给你拥抱
oh～
就让我们的过去走到此结束
再一次走到幸福不再迷糊
我会永远在乎
那时幸福就会满足不再让你哭

Sunday, July 15, 2007

我不想忘记你 - 郭静

我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

Thursday, July 05, 2007

~ Heavy Heart and Wayward Thoughts ~

i know, its time to Zzz. However, dunno why, i'm still sittin here in front of my sis's notebook, and typin this post.

i've been pondering this problem these few days. . i dunno what is wrong with me. . i noe i'm not havin second thoughts. but i realised, that i'm lousy in letting go.
i noe i've already made a decision, there's no turning back. basically,i'm not trying to turn back time, i just felt that i cant let go.
he haunts me everywhere and everything. we really went through so much. although we had bad times, but there were good times as well. Although, i can never forget what he did to me, those punishments. . but he still lingers around. i thought i can do it.
but i cant forget him . . but i do now clearly i've made my choice. never knew lovin a person could be like these till i met wm. i noe E loves me too(before break up), its just that everyone shows their affection in different ways.

i now i'm in a bliss now. . i shldnt be thinkin waywardly. i dunno why i cant help. . 6 yrs. . its so hard to forget. he's an unforgettable passenger in my life journey.
i cant say i'll forget him, but i noe i've moved on to a new chapter of my life. i cant turn back time, all i can do is to be positive and treasure for wat i have now. i'm grateful to found sum1 like wm. i'm thankful for mettin E too.co i've gained alot & also,for sure there were scars remained. Scars etched within me and keeps reminding me not to make the same mistakes again.

i felt so bad. For hurting E. but i have to be heartless. i had been draggin the relationship for over 6 yrs. i have to end it sumhow. but what i've done is way too fast. but i was really touched by wm. i now i shldnt have started another relationship so fast. actually i've been askin myself and wm this question. till now, i have no ans to it but just that when fate comes, its inevitable. Also when fate ends, it'll be gonw like the wind. Fate:lightning; for it comes and go in a swift.

i sincerly thank E for all the memories. i apologized for all that i've done.
thank him for all that we've been through. i hope from now onwards, he'll get the girl of his dream, sum1 he really deserves. i've tried my best, sry for letting go, cos, i've really tried my best. i gave my 6 yrs to u. tke gd cre frm now onwards, and hope ur upcomin gf-wife to be will be the gentle, pretty & loving girl that he owaes wanted.

eve - E: " sry,i've burst our dream. but i noe, 1 day u'll find a even more beautiful dream with this girl of urs, cos that's what u've earned and deserved.all the best. u'll owaes be zui shou xi de mo shen ren"

eve - dear dear: " i'm glad that i've got u wm, cos, i noe that u love me for me. u've never "hiam" me before since the day i met u. u've always been encouragin and supportive. u were always there for me when i'm on my ups and downs. u take such gd care of me and even me myself cant believe it. i hope with 2 hearts beating as one, we'll mould our future. i thank u for ever moment. . cos u made me the happiest gal on earth."

i'm tired le.
-eve outy-

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

*Saded*

I feel so depressed recently.
Why am i deluding myself ?

Why ? why ? my head is overflowing...

its givin me headaches..

shoo .. go away ..

NO one.. there's no one.. here , or there ..

NO one is around..

i feel so useless.. helpless..

are u here to ease my miseries ?

or are u here to add on to my sorrows ?

Why do i not feel any joy ?

i cant laugh..

there's nothing funny..

everything is bland..

i need sparks..

ignite it for my sake wld u ?

*shouts*

Pls .. dun ignore me & lev me alone to rot ?

But, on contary, being alone, i feel much more at ease..

No stress, No mask, No fakeness, No lies, no pain . . .

WHy ? am i jus not lettin it go ? i think i am..

i cannot accept..

i cant..

i simply unable to do it.

/He/

I used to think that i'm the victim of ur words.
u gave me several deep cuts..
left me scars.

But i've realised, now, i'm hurting u non-stop.
even thou, cuts may not be very deep.
However, i gave u countless scars.

Nothing compared to mine.

Basically, u're suffering. . .
u're not happy with me.
u cant laugh, u cant smile, u cant cry, u cant be nice & u cant communicate with me. .

i'm sucha tyrant, u've got to tolerate with all my nonsenses...
adapt to my eating habits.
giving in to me due to me being short-tempered and unreasonable.
WHy? why make urself suffer?

i can never be satisfied with whatever u've done.
i'm owaes complaining...
i cant stop nagging...
i have no self-discipline.
i want things my way.
I, TAKE U FOR GRANTED.

why ?!

i have no idea either..

i thank u whole-heartedly for this comin 5 yrs.

but we're both not happy. u're accomodating me ..
imma spoilled brat.

what is impt to me.seems nth to u.

my bdae . . fancy me buying the cake myself.wating it jus like dat.
u were nice.for the past 4 yrs, i have nth, not even a wish, a cake,but jus a meal.
thanks for givin me a cake last yr.
and this yr u offer to get another cake. i dislike the idea cos, it it pointless.so meaningless..
i hate it..
i hate everyhting..
i guess its better to leave me alone..

i'm a greedy person, i asked for alot.

u wanna change me.. u cannot accept me for who i am..

sum are for my own good, i'm willing to change.
but its ridiculous, when i cant even wear things i wan.
i used to feel so good abt myself,and nw my confidence level dropped.
choosing my clothes became a huge headache.

i hate it..

i loathe my life.

i loathe myself.

i suppose i no longer noes how to lurve myself,needless to say to love another pple..

i wish i'm gone..
not as in dead.
it meant, takin a break.
take a break,have a kit-kat.

-eveyouty-

Monday, April 24, 2006

~ The Smell ~

I wonder. actualli i missed. but not dat crazily. First time i fight loneliness & miss so calmly..

But, jus nw, the smell of smoke that came towards my face..

my mind starts to miss "He" so much..

man. . . Bby, i miss u so badly...

long to hug u dear...

counting down, 4 more days to go...

-eveyouty-