Friday, October 15, 2004

guess who's back.. back again..

hai,i'm back,i kennt get to slp.. and i've just spent 1/2 hr crying.. i'm missin..2 person.so badly and i think depression is back hittin hard on me.. but while i was cryin mainly the person i'm thinking was my beloved papa.. i missin him.. i relly wished dat he was here,here for me to make it all up to him.. he dun deserve to b up der.. he's still so young.. and damn,i'm cryin again... aioefthowertho iwb vfoerjgu fgfjkscn r
i hate the way i am now... is this it ???

eric eric eric,... i wan u here... i wanna hug u to slp.... i wan u here to comfort me...

NO NO.. now i aint wan anyone else.. but jus U.. eric.. i've realised no meta wat.. its jus got to b u.. and i ken shout out loud.. i finally found dat sumone and dats U !!

no one is in between us.. no nigel or whuever girl la.. i overreacted the other tym over the meta wit nigel. i think cos he was der everytime we break up.. those 3 brkups. but now i've recovered.. i oni wan u here... ERIC ...............
Eric .............. Eric .............. Eric ............... Eric ...............

i relly LURVE u .......

and i'm missin u so badly ........

actuali was wantin to lev u a msg. as i've dailed ur number several times jus to hear ur greetings.. but i noe u'll think i'm crappy and irritating again..
argg... i jus wanna hear that song.i've owaes assume that song is for me.. and i wished it relly was meant for me... 我是真的真的很爱你。。。。

posted by Eve @ 10/15/2004 04:50:00 AM 1 Comments

Today's my nick is "Love is an issue nth ken weighs.Its all abt a mixture of emotions.If its urs,it'll owaes b urs,if its not,its nt wat u'll own."

why wld i hav the inspiration to wrote dat.. well,it came frm talking wit K.i think he chose to talk to me as i'm facing the real situation.he's seekin for advice.He asked regardin eric in NS.Whether i missed him in the beginnin of the conversation, and of cos I DO.i relly missed him like crazy at tyms.especially wen i've jus reached home,i open my rm door,and i cldnt find him der at the desktop playin wit his comm..or wen its slp tym, lying on the huge bed,he is not der beside me.. the feelin is horrible,its a mixture of lonesome and 思念(dunno how to sae in eng)..jus long for his presence. well,its jus hard to decribe hw i felt. But wen he's ard, i guess the both of us jus take each other for granted.hai and yst had a lil arguement wit him,kennt b bothered to elaborate.but i'm actualli very upset over it.At nyte,i jus kept tossin on the bed,thinkin of him,wonderin what he is drimin or thinking of at that moment... recallin how stupid it is to quarrel again on the fone. how meticulous he was and the tone he had yst.. and gradually my mood changed.. it went to the sad mode. was relly upset dat i weeped a lil. Porbably i was extremely fatigued yst,and tends to get too emotional... hai hai

okae bac to K & L,for K he's facin a tough choice.he wished dat L wld wait for him durin his NS days, however, he hope dat L gets the best which is not stoppin her to pursure her happiness. he aint wanna b a burden to her. As for L's pt of view, she felt that he's changed,and that he dun lurve her as much as b4.All the touch and kiss differs frm las tym.hai.. why guys and gurls perception on things are of so much difference. hai. maybe i'm wrong as K may not b tellin me the whole thing. Anw,i relly hope things will work out for dem...

Finally i understand why eric owaes claim i'm over sensitive. Mmm,i used to felt that wae too,wen things changed after 1 mth.Eric stop sayin how beautiful and how much he lurves me and gradually the harsh tone he'll use on me,the dare and pay back dat i need to redeem my sins..and finally till he stopped holdin my hands.Ohh well,now its me doin the job.I've once tot dat he stopped lurvin me.As he claimed dat he's still here cos of him fulfillin his responsibilities,and out of pitiness. My heart breaks each tym he said dat.Furthermore, i relly wonder at tmys, what he actualli own to kip me under his 手掌心.What makes me changed for the sake of him? How a spoilled and bad-tempered me to b able to listen and change?(thou not finish changin completely la..still got more to improve) A person like me whu dun giv a damn to any1,(which i was last tym) gave in so much for him and willing to sacrifce as well.Most of the time,I dun giv a sheat to my family nor my relatives or whoever.. But Howcome why u jus u i will leh? However,he dun thinks that wae,its neva sufficent for him.I suppose cos he neva seen the past me ba.My sis whu grew up wit me.She ken feel it,she was even impressed at how powerful eric was to b able to control me.Moreover, she ever mentioned dat,papa told her dat he's glad dat i'm wit eric cos i listened to him and i've toned down,more good girl.I actualli became a beta person ,but sadly as i'm drifted even further awae frm the family. lol.. i din expect myself to b like dat as well,how i missed those dae wit my ex wen i'm the one callin the shots... =x

Ohh well, things ard us jus keep changin.. its all up to us to adapt and overcome.

Basically,I've neva tot that i'll get so deeply attached to a relationship. Nonetheless,be it all the tuff tyms we've been tru,i'm mentally prepared for the worst.And i'm relly thankful,the most important thing i've grasped frm this relaitonship is how to relly lurve the other one.... Even thou,i may not b applying fully what i've learnt on eric ,but i'm still tryin.. as well as learnin more at the same tym..

Now i'm all filled wit emotions and feel like cryin liao.. mmmm,i'm missin my eric.. din tok to him todae.. hai hai.. dunno la.. nth more i ken do.. arggg....

hai,i relly feel like clubbin..jus wanan dance.. not dose sexy and dirty dance .. jus sumtin to soothe myself.. i've owaes like dancin ever since young.. but than, no meta how hard i try to persuade papa & mummy to let me learn ballet, dey oso dun allow..hai.. now its my hubby turn to stop me frm dancing.. hai.. am i not fated to dance.. but i ken dance so well and i relly enjoy dancing!!!!! It's MY FAVOURITE u noe.. more den acting and singing.. lol.. i guess i shld b in the entertainment industry ryte? lol.. It had been one of my dreams before. At the tym,My papa was so eager to b 星爸 that he even considering sending me to the acting school. lol.. Anw,my mum stopped him..sians... argg.... every single tym.. frm ballet,keepin a pet dog, learnin swimmin ... and blah blah blah,more and more... hai hai.. awryte i'm relly tried liao.. finished wrk at 2240 got home at 2320.. and i strt writtin this entry frm 0144 till now wich is 0232.. lol.. kae kae la.. nytes...

eveyouty

posted by Eve @ 10/15/2004 02:33:00 AM 0 Comments