Prosaic as i am,Tatty as i dealt,Indignation as i felt, and this is how i yelled...

well,been feelin veri depressed recently. MInd's been badly traumatized... havin bad and negative tots again. Da other day when serene mentioned abt childhood,i went outta control, partially it is beacause dat eric was ard. I felt very awkward and upset. Its different frm jus me tinking and hearin it from sum1 who have been tru it as well. It makes me feels sick ... seriously,a child witout childhood, wld it affect their life in later years ? i wld sae it does, maybe towards me, as i got oo emotional, too vulnerable at tyms, short temper and owaes seekin for love & attention, endless cre, love and attention. Its too much to ask frm anyone, that's why i've pushed eric too hard and distant liao.. BUt i have to sae its beyond my limits to control all that.. No one understands or wld even believe wat my sis and i had been tru when we're young.. NO one will eva do. Whenever i tot of those awful stuffs, i'll get irritated and i simple felt no love on this world. I'm jus so unwanted, a trash dat is here to crashed pple's life regardless its my family,frds or bfs. Such a useless disgusting creature.. A meticulous person lik me, still expectin to be deserved to loved.. lol, no one deserves to love me. What am i ? who am i ? no one cres, no one bothers, ever since young, no one will even tke a gd & close look at me... everyone hates me.. No one is der wenever i nids comfort. even my bf will jus ignore and claimed dat i was jus faking. well well, maybe he relly dun understans. In this whole wide world, who is da one who wipes off my tears and telin me to stop crying as it'll breaks their heart. Guess who? its my first love --> Ivan ho , and my baby darling sister, pHoeBelyn.. those 2 were the only ones to wipe off my tears.. Gosh,nothing beats dat. But why jus cant u do it ? we may still hold feelins for each other but i simple felt we're jus misfit. u may be the man of my life according to my instincts but, i may nt be up to ur woman of ur life, i will never be. Cos i'm too mullish.. stubborn to the core. dats why i wld sae, i'm jus seekin to be loved genuinely and willingly. i may not be able to find dat sum1 however i'm still waitin for it to appear.. jus like u.. u found ur dream gurl, da angel of ur life. but imma obstacle in between u. u may sae u'll neva get her, well, its jus dat u haven try.trust me, u have an inevitable charm. u may nt b veri gd lookin or watsoever, but relly u do have an aura dats irresistable.SO i guess, maybe 1 dae i ken finally let go of everyding.. u shall get ur angel and live happily ever after.

WEll, frankly, i have a bad urge to run awae.. runnin awae to a place where no one noes me.. to a place i can find peace.. to think all things tru and not pillin them up instead. running awae without notice, running awae with no one noein.. running awae and no one ken finds me.. Porbably in dat wae, i'll attain my supreme nirvana !!! pple will starts to recognize EVELYN GWEE lol.. how i wish i cld to do dat..

i may not lurve u animore but i still lik u.. i'm jus lik u, still holdin on .. wit sum feelins.. but, things will never be the same again, sumdin dat i dreads off.. sumdings dat i longed to .. too bad.. wat can i sae. i've finally tasted the feelin of lost..once u've lost it, u'll neva gain it back.. so.. dats why our relationship sucks now.. it relly wun wrks out in ani other wae.. In a few more mths, i'll b all alone..even lonelier den neva before. i'm terrified upon havin those tots.. i'm so scared.. wat if sum1 else enters my world.. if he treats me the way i yeaned to have, sry to sae. i dunno wat choice wld i make.. i jus hope dat.. it'll never end up dat wae..dat u'll change and i'll amend my mistakes .. so dat we cld be together till da end..

i lurve u.. i long to hugg u now..
but now that u're gone, u shall be in my heart.
I miss u.. i long to spend tym wit ya
but now that u're gone, things will never be the same again.

i relly miss u very much.. papa

posted by Eve @ 4/23/2004 04:19:00 PM